Monthly Archives: June 2013


Legions of baby boomers eat properly and exercise regularly.  They have committed themselves to good health and set a fine example on how to age gracefully.  Congratulations to them.

For the remaining baby boomers who gaze astonishingly at the disappearance of a quart of Cookies ’n Cream ice cream in one sitting, they will probably take a short cut to good health.  If it comes in a pill or is in an infomercial, baby boomers will flock to it and try it.  We’re good at short cuts.  We bought more Cliffs Notes for “A Tale of Two Cities” than any other generation combined.  Why should the path to good health be any different?

Supplements are huge with boomers.  With little to no regulation, supplements are easy to obtain.  Their appeal lies in the ‘holistic’ mystique that screams ‘nature’ and ‘healthy living’.  Gone are the days of a simple multi-vitamin.  Here to stay is the new bird of Co-Q-10, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Glucosamine and Resveratrol.  Personally, I’m glad that Echinacea is on the way down, immune system support my ass.  They worst cold I ever had was when I was taking that bullshit.

The appeal of these supplements lies in the hope that some boomers will live longer without worrying about consuming half-pound cheeseburgers or engaging in a close personal relationship with a sofa. The work is being done for them through supplements.

Still, other boomers are willing to get physical.  Acknowledging that time prevents them from visiting the gym, yoga studio or hiking trail, some boomers will invest in Ab Rollers, Ab Circles, Ab Rockets, Skechers Shape-ups, Reebok EasyTones or dare I say it, a Thigh Master.  However, if exercise can be linked to a TV, boomers are all over it.  Observe the popularity of Jillian Michaels’ Ripped in 30, the Brazil Butt Lift Workout and Zumba Fitness, (Zumba is the sound of your credit card being debited when you order).   For sheer amusement, let’s examine the ever-present Teeter Hang Ups, a gravity inversion board that straps you in for the upside-down experience of a lifetime and nominates your head as Governor of your body’s blood repository.

None of these products of course can compete with the unique absurdity found in the Nintendo Wii Fit.  The Balance Board accessory simulates a fitter looking you onto your TV screen as if you had become that annoying little prick who always raised his hand in class with the right answer.  Be forewarned; this avatar is laughing its CGI ass off at you every time you gasp for oxygen or balance.

Eventually, boomers will abandon all such purchases and leave them gathering dust like the coat tree that used to be an exercise bike in their basement.

Not all hope is lost.  If boomers want to project an image of a youthful ideal, there is always Viagra and the Ahh Bra.

“Yes, call the paramedics on my 4 hour rigidity; I want everyone in the hospital to marvel at this boner!”

“Go ahead and stare.  These boobs are high, they’re proud, they’re 50 and they’ll knock you backward, bitches!”